in personal

I am what I love

Or at least a significantly integral part of me.
We had a sketching competition with compulsory participation in our hostel recently. Sketching is obviously a freehand thing and I (rather obviously) suck at it.
But the guy in front of me had a scale, and I had a compass. And I saw Rajat start using the scale to make a guitar. And I realized how clever a thing he was doing by drawing what he loves. Why would I want to draw what would be the easiest or lamest?
And I thought what I would want to draw. And eventually, I made a [so-called] ‘flower’ by drawing four ‘drop’ shaped things using curve stitching, and arbitrarily made it a flower by drawing a stem coming out of it. It was lots of fun. One of the seniors tried to stop me from using a ruler. But quite many seniors found it a pretty, random thing to make.
I felt happy. I might have made a Seirpinski triangle, and now that I think of it, a Koch curve might have been cool. But it was fun.
I  also recalled how I’d spent so many attempts trying to make a business card for myself. All of them were just pretty on a very arbitrary scale. None of them were such that I remember any of them even now as being super awesome. Now I know what was missing.
They were designed, a significant part of what I love. They never had math, a more substantial part of what I love!
Something that probably helped me make more concrete for myself my love for math, was Mathcamp. One of the online testimonial went like – there is no comparison between what loving math meant before Mathcamp and after, for me. I would say that. I don’t think I was ever adequately sure, or something on those lines, about how much I really love math. Which in retrospect feels like a stupid doubt to have. I think that correlation – was not just limited to my business card. I can’t really articulate right now, but I think it means something more. I think I will try to tell you when I realize what that means, unless it’s something far too wonderful to let me waste any more time trying to say stuff about stuff, rather than doing stuff.