I feel sad.
Not the sorrowful kind of sad. Not the sad I would feel if I failed in a competition – especially not the kind of sad if I’d worked hard for the competition.
Or the kind of sad if somebody close to me died. Those would be things beyond me.
The kind of sad where I feel something inside me is dying. And I am crying in a feeling of mourning for it. Never before did I mind wasting time so much. Never before, did I feel such a depressed kind of sad.
It is like my life is slipping out of my hand. Day upon day. Minute by minute. When I first thought I was sad because my college was lame, I could smile by thinking “this too shall pass”. This has probably come upon me, for a reason. Let us make the best of it.
When I am clearly making pretty much the worst of it, I feel sad.
I need focus. And I need a strong drive to pull it off. I need a focus to focus my focus. And it’s pissing how much I lack any of those. I am supposed to ooze awesome. I am supposed to be this crazy guy doing the most amazing things that can be possibly being done by anybody. And I don’t even care what others are doing. I have to be amazing by my standards, for myself. And I am failing appalingly.
I need to rock the world. At least my own. Help me.